Visual Scarring

Why as the older men get, the more desire they have to hold conversations in the locker room while totally naked?

Now you could be saying to yourself, "Why does it bother you Higgy? Every dude has a dick so it isn't a big deal. Why are you looking at their pricks Higgy? Are you gay? You must love the cock." Now while these may be humorous thoughts in your head questioning my sexuality, you need to honestly ask yourself what you would do in the following situation:

You are coming back from a work out at the gym housed in your corporate office. As you walk into a locker room, you are greeted by a "superior" in the company, a few decades older than you. Before can utter a salutation in return, you notice said "superior" is toweling off and greeting you while completely naked. You try as hard as you can to maintain eye contact but your peripheral vision fails you and before you know it that image is engrained into your mind for a few days.

Do you...
(a) Try as hard as you can to keep your eyes at the ceiling, muttering a short retort, grab your towel and head into the shower as fast as humanly possible?
(b) Or maintain eye contact and conversation knowing you will unfortunately catch a glimpse of any of his Chernobyl-esque type deformities while he props his leg up on the bench like he is Captain Morgan?

The right thing to do to further your career would probably be choice (b) but sorry I am physically incapable of doing that and I would like you to tell me you would do otherwise. I'm a heterosexual male who does not want to see another man's penis unless it is part of a pornographic epic where it is on its journey to fellatio or coitus by an extremely gorgeous buxom blonde with no virtue and little inhibition. It becomes visual pollution in any other situation because I'm sorry, I don't want to know anyone that well.

So here's my advice to all of you old bastards who love to pontificate (Thank you Stephen A. Smith) yet wonder why people avert their eyes while talking to you in the locker room:

Cover your damn dick because no one wants to see your member counting beats like a metronome while you discuss Wall Street, the score of last night's Red Sox game or your issues with women. We do not want to see where you do not derive your power from nor want to see how gravity and decay will take its toll on our units. I am speaking for all of us younger guys who are tired of the locker room being the Swinging Sausage club. Too bad none of you shameless fucks will receive this message.

I'm done talking about cock.

Fin.