Proper Wash Room Etiquette

Working at a Fortune 500 Company, one would think that its employees would be aware of common wash room etiquette. Unfortunately this can't be tested during the interviewing process because of potential sexual harrassment implications and because of those God damned worker unions, but common sense should tell you how to act. Obviously this is too much to ask for from the average Joe Schmuck as I have encountered the following situations within a weeks time.

1) As I entered the bathroom at work, I walked over to the farthest urinal away from the door (as a common courtesy to others who may enter). Unfortunately as I approach the urinal I find I have to traverse a lagoon of piss far on the floor that was far too wide for me. It was almost surprising the amount of urine that was in puddle form on the floor. The urinal is a pretty fucking large target and I doubt anyone's dick is large enough to over power the basin with their large stream of piss. I also hope no one comes to work drunk enough to miss the urinal basin completely. Again I'm asking for way too much from these people.

2) Far too many conversations have begun by someone addressing me while I have my hands on my genatalia.

3) Recently while Zambrano-ing the work toilet, I hear a gentleman two stalls over rip ass. This is not an uncommon occurence and I would normally giggle to myself because I am juvenile and brush it off. However what followed after was quite unexpected and received a mouth gape facial expression from myself. The guy starts moaning, "Uhhh...shit yeah...oooh" in an ever so soft manner. I mean I get pretty excited about a decent shit, but come the fuck on buddy. Not cool. I honestly thought he was trying to jerk it in the stall....at work. So I pull the toilet paper as loud as I possible could so I wasn't the third wheel in this doucher's fantasy.

Because of these events, I have researched reference materials that I want to share with all that will help beat into people proper etiquette.

Curious about how to handle yourself in a bathroom?
Please go here: http://jeff-flowers.com/12-unspoken-rules-for-urinal-etiquette/

Do you need to be taught the proper angle at which to send your stream of piss into the urinal?
Go Here: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Urinal-Without-Splashing-Yourself

Need it in video form?
Please watch this:



I've done my community service for the month.