I had an appointment to go a sports medicine doctor because I had a nagging injury whenever I played any sports. Whether it was basketball, soccer or football, I always felt like I had pulled my groin and no amount of stretching before and after would help fix it. So I decide, with a gentle nudge from my nurse girlfriend to do something about it.
When I get to the doctor's office I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork and wait 30 minutes after the time of my appointment for him to stroll on in all non-chalant without any notice nor care of the time he has already wasted of mine. This is normal for American health-care but I'm not going to rant about that. The final diagnosis is my main concern here. I tell him my issue and he performs a number of tests to determine where the pain actually resides. When you're injured due to your inflexibility, you really want a doctor to pull some contortionist shit on you. I feel the pain as I am writing this. His diagnosis is that I need an X-Ray. Awesome, more money pissed away.
At the time I was pissed that I had to get an X-Ray but an X-Ray of your pelvic region is an awesome thing to discuss with your doctor. The whole time he is trying to show me the region where my injury is, and I am just mesmerized with how huge my cock looks in the x-ray. Its silhouette took over the whole screen and the doctor was too much of a hater to recognize greatness. Fuck being professional. I plan on requesting the image on my next visit for my keeping.
So finally after I zoned back into the conversation, the doctor told me that it looked like I had a stress fracture in my pelvis. You have got to be fucking kidding me. I am 25 years old and my pelvis should be well intact until my 70's. Of course he has to get an MRI on it to confirm. Awesome more money to be pissed away. It better give me a 3-D image of my dong.
So obviously when I told my friends I got a variety of responses:
"What the hell did (my girlfriend) do to you? It should be her pelvis
you're pulverizing, not yours. Are you a bottom?""How does she feel about not getting any for awhile? Let her know I can play stunt cock."
"Osteoperosis at age 25, God you suck."
"Man you were breaking people's ankles with a broken pelvis, damn that shit is cold son."
"You probably got it from having to carry that big cock of yours
around."
Ok, I had to clean up some of their responses because honestly my friends really aren't that witty. However one of those statements above was completely made up. Can you guess which one? I can tell you right now you are going to guess incorrectly.
So how do you properly celebrate a broken pelvis on Halloween? You get annoyingly intoxicated, dress up as an Arab Sheik, and go to a Halloween party with your co-workers. How would Higgy dress up as an Arab Sheik you ask? he would take the following items:
- a Wal-Mart toga costume
- a head band
- the nicest towel you have
He would then remove the sash from the Wal-Mart toga, place the towel on his head (yes I know it's racist and it was not intended but an awesome bonus) and place the head band on your head to secure the towel. Then he wouldn't shave for a couple days so he can grow out his patchy ass beard because he hasn't hit puberty yet Then he would listen to most ignorant Arab song out right now, Arab Money by Busta Rhymes, to get his accent correct. The following events would then occur, most of them under the influence of plenty of alcohol.
- Yell Allah as if it started with an H at every cup made in beer pong
- Chant made up Arabic in the streets
- Do the airplane soccer celebration followed by a crash into a building yelling "Hallah!"
- Dance in Arab Sheik style, which requires more made up Arabic chanting followed by weird hand signs, head bobbing, and more G5 airplane impersonations.
- Talk about your anticipation of your 73 vestal virgins in the afterlife.
- Use your towel as a prayer rug.
The last one I'm not very proud of, but that should tell you the lengths at which I will go to stay in character. Surprisingly not too many people at the party were offended and most people were enjoying it. I'm an asshole. I keep digging myself closer to Hell and dragging everyone else with me.
Pictures and video to follow.
2 comments:
No words... just a slow head shake while simultaneously lightly touching my left hand to my left eyebrow as if I have an extremely bad headache. All of this is done while giggling like a giddy schoolgirl.
I always leave you speechless. I think it's not my ability to wow and shock you but rather the fact you're easily stupified. Those who can do and those who can't teach.
Post a Comment