Group Therapy and the Scandinavian

Since Mrs. T is watching Grey's Anatomy on the DVR (why the hell she eats this shit up, I have no damn clue) and I am backed up from Applebee's (Zambrano-ing may ensue), so I'm writing this as a race against time before I shart myself. Speaking of which, here is some random shit in my head.


Now that I own a house the only time I go out is when with other couples since single people can't stand to hang out with my kind anymore. And honestly I can't blame them, because we are an uninteresting folk.

However going out with other couples has shown me that I'm not alone in my lameness. It pretty much ends up being "Couple's Therapy" where I can find solace in mediocrity and comfort in knowing my life is just as uninteresting as the rest. There I can see these guys become shadows of their former selves as their minds become numb to the same vaginally-altered logic I endure. Don't get me started on my 3 year long argument about the proper pronunciation of the word "ruined."

Anyways we had one of these therapy sessions at Applebee's tonight and here is the result of said therapy:


A mother turtle and a baby turtle are about to cross a road. The mother turtle told her son that she would cross the road first, then wag her tail when she deemed it ok for her son to cross. So the mother turtle starts to cross the street and gets halfway across before she gets trucked by a Semi. Her son is distraught and after a short time decides to walk along the side of the road.

At the same time, a mother skunk and her son are about to cross the same road. The mother skunk told her son the same thing as the mother turtle told her son and she began to cross the road. The mother skunk got halfway when the same Semi blasted through her in the same fashion as the mother turtle. The son skunk mourns his mothers untimely death and walks along the side of the road as well.

The two newly ordained orphans meet along the same road, each of which is crying. The skunk asks the turtle, "Why are you crying?" The turtle replies, "My mother just died and I don't even know who I am." The skunk says, "Well you're timid, green and have a hard shell, so you must be a turtle. " The turtle replies, "Wow...I must be a turtle." The skunk then says, "I'm sad as well because the same thing happened to my mother and I'm young and I don't even know who I am." The turtle then says, "Well you're black and you're white and you stink like shit, so you must be Puerto Rican."



Yeah this was the highlight of my evening...I really need a mancation.



On that homoerotic note, which of the following things should I feel most gay about?

1) I can't get the new Miley Cyrus song out of my head. "Party in the USA" really strikes a chord with me.
2) This past week I had a shitty day at work and in order to cheer myself up, I bought Guitar Hero: World Tour so that I could play "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. Greatest. Song. Ever.
3) I allowed myself to wear tight spandex and strap into a harness with a large Scandinavian named Henrik as shown in this video here:
http://www.lifepursuitvideo.com/asppublic/Video22153.aspx?CLIENT=22153&VF=cathywarner_091909-1757.flv
I'm the one who looks like a 4th of July themed contraceptive.


Aight I'm done. Now I'm off to throw out the first pitch into the toilet.