I'm a Neglectful Bastard

Lately I've treated this blog like a red-headed step child I never wanted, but only kept because his mother could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. I apologize but this blog does not fellate me the way I want it to, so it gets left behind for work, drinking and Mrs. T. Anyway I have a few things that have accumulated on my chest that need to get dumped onto this thing.

Birthday Musings

"Happy Birthday Pedophile Face!" - Hova

Nothing makes you feel more special then having a dear friend tell you that your face infers your tendency to touch the hearts and genatalia of children. Thank you for that Hova. Being that you could round my age up to 30, my birthday was a mixed bag of emotions. I'm not old enough to realize my mortality by any means; I mean I still think I am immune to AIDS, suffering, drunken drivers and older men/women fiending to touch my privates. However I'm starting to realize I can't do what I used to do. I can't drink as much, jump as high, or remember as much as I used to which makes talking shit and holding grudges an infinitely harder task. This was also affirmed for me by stepping on the balance board that came with the Wii Fit given to me by my lovely mother. Wii Fit's avatar proceeded to tell me I had the reflexes of a 41 year old, overweight, a couch potato, too weak to perform a basic pushup and that my posture makes it so I trip over myself. Awesome. In all fairness though Mrs. T did make my birthday a special one so I felt better about my decrepit status.

The Watchmen

Great movie but what is up with the random trend of exposed male penises in movies these days. Forgetting Sarah Marshall started this trend with random Joe Schmo penis. The Watchmen stepped it up a notch and made the exposed penis large, blue and glowing. Why do we get exposed penis, but we can't find any sign of labia or breast that makes its way past the shadows covering it. Fuck actresses and their moral integrity. If I'm forced to see penis, then I should be rewarded by seeing fully exposed females. Call me chauvinist, I don't give two shits. Next thing you know we'll see exposed dong doing the whirly bird mushroom stamping all that's in its way.

As a side note, T-Pain did mention that Rorschach did look much like an abortion at the end of this film. I fully agree with this statement.

Paparazzi

You know most of the time I am a huge fan of the internet. I can do so many things anonymously and without reprecussions it's great. I can find out about the misery of others catching a beatdown on http://www.tmz.com/, peruse through a plethora of free pornographic videos for my viewing pleasure, write whatever the fuck I want on this blog and have a select few read and pretend to enjoy its material and of course my favorite pastime, stalking any unfortunate bastard dumb enough to post shit on facebook. Well finally the facebook stalking karma has come around and bit me in the ass. Hova decided it would be a good idea to photograph our drunken misadventures during our Seven Springs trip and tag me in enough pictures to prove I am incapable of making a non-awkward facial expression on a photograph. Here are a few examples:

Reaching out with arthritis.

Humping a child that isn't present

Would you like a popsicle?

I'm a PC who looks like a registered sex offender.